Can LGBTQ-affirming therapy help me?
Do you feel caught between wanting to belong and wanting to be yourself? Maybe you’ve spent years trying to fit in, hiding parts of who you are, or wondering why relationships feel so complicated. Maybe you are confident expressing your identity online, but become uncertain and doubt yourself when it comes to being out at work, in your family, or even your real life friends.
You may be exploring your sexual orientation or gender identity, navigating coming out, healing from years of discrimination, or carrying the impacts of growing up in environments where it wasn’t safe to be yourself. It’s exhausting to keep managing other people’s expectations… you might find yourself asking, do I have to keep coming out over and over for the rest of my life?
If this is you: yes. LGBTQ+ therapy can help you build a stronger. resilient relationship with yourself and create connections where you feel seen, valued, and accepted as the baseline.
There is a lot going on, hey?
How can therapy help me when the government is actively legislating my rights away?
Therapy can’t stop discriminatory laws, erase injustice, or solve systemic problems. (I wish it could.) Anger, fear, grief, and exhaustion are extremely common (even healthy) responses when your rights, safety, and dignity are threatened.
What therapy can do is drastically transform the way you navigate the impact of living in an environment that feels hostile or uncertain. All of your fear, grief, rage, and disappointment are welcome: you don’t have to minimize your experience or explain why it matters. Therapy can also help you stay connected to your values, relationships, and community while protecting yourself from burnout, hopelessness, and constant vigilance.
There’s a name for this: minority stress. That’s the ongoing impact of navigating discrimination, prejudice, microaggressions, and rejection. Over time, it affects self-esteem, relationships, sleep, concentration, mental health in general. We can counter this by develop coping strategies, strengthening self-compassion, and building up a support network that helps you feel less alone.
I won’t try to convince you that everything is okay when it isn’t. Just support you in being as grounded, connected, and resilient while facing these realities.
I'm not even sure I belong here, am I queer enough to even deserve support around my identity?
Yes.
If you’re asking that question, you’re probably exactly the kind of person who could benefit from having a safe space to explore it.
Many people worry they’re not “queer enough” because they don’t fit a stereotype, haven’t come out, are questioning their identity, are in a heterosexual-presenting relationship, or feel uncertain about where they belong. Therapy isn’t reserved for people who have everything figured out.
You deserve support simply because you’re navigating questions about who you are and how you want to live your life.
My problems have nothing to do with being LGBTQIA+ but past therapists have always made it about that.
Obviously, being gay can be an important part of your life without that meaning that every challenge you face is related to your identity. People come to therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, relationship difficulties, work stress, perfectionism, feeling stuck… those concerns all deserve attention on their own terms.
An affirming therapist shouldn’t assume that your identity is the cause of every problem, nor should they ignore it when it is relevant. Therapy should make room for the full complexity of your experience. Sometimes your sexual orientation or gender identity may play an important role in what you’re going through. Other times it may have very little to do with it.
I’m not here to fit your experiences into a predetermined narrative. Let’s understand your life as you experience it and work together on the concerns that matter most to you.
I only recently started dating after coming out later in life, I feel miles behind everyone else.
You’re not alone!
So many queer people begin dating, exploring relationships, or discovering what they want much later than their heterosexual peers. Maybe coming out wasn’t safe when you were younger, or you spent years trying to fit expectations that didn’t feel right, focusing on survival, family, work, or just figuring yourself out.
Everyone else did not get a handbook you somehow missed. First relationship, first real heartbreak, first experience of actually being attracted to the person you are dating, first experience of being actually seen by someone! These are big moments.
You probably know there is no timeline you are required to follow and that relationships are not a race, and there is no age by which you are supposed to have everything figured out, but you still need to process your grief about lost time, explore your fears and hopes around dating, build confidence, and develop relationship skills that reflect who you are today.
My religious trauma is affecting my dating life way more than I want it to.
So many of us were taught messages about love, relationships, sexuality, gender, and self-worth that continue to shape our lives, even way after leaving our religious community or reconstructing our beliefs. Even when we consciously reject those messages, our nervous systems remembers.
So, what’s going on for you exactly? Are you struggling with shame around attraction, having difficulty trusting your desires, fearing rejection, having panic attacks around intimacy, or just have a persistent feeling that you’re doing something wrong? So many people feel torn between the life they want and the values they were taught, or grieve the years they spent hiding, suppressing, and questioning parts of themselves.
Therapy can help you untangle your inherited beliefs from your own true values, process grief and anger, and build relationships that feel authentic and safe.
I feel stuck between my family culture and my queer identity, what can I do when both are so important to me?
When you’re caught between two parts of yourself that both matter to you so deeply (your connection to your family, culture, faith, or community, and your connection to your LGBTQ identity and community), it can feel like you’re being told to choose between belonging and honesty.
Therapy can provide a space to explore these tensions without pressure to choose a side. Let’s make room for grief, anger, hope, love, and uncertainty while helping you clarify your own values and priorities. I won’t tell you how to make your decisions, but I will support you while you make them.
Transitioning turned my whole world upside down.
Transition can be so life-changing, which is amazing, but it can also change almost everything in your life at once. Family dynamics, romantic relationships, work, friendships, public safety, identity… wow. That’s a lot to change all at once, and a lot of how things play out is outside of your control.
It’s a vulnerable time. Some people find that old wounds, shame, or attachment fears become more activated during transition, especially when their support systems feel uncertain or inconsistent.
Therapy can offer a steady place to land while so much is in motion. It can help you process what is changing and integrate your evolving sense of self.
I am constantly on guard and exhausted by constantly needing to educate the people around me.
This is a really common experience for many LGBTQIA+ people living in environments that are not fully affirming. It can become exhausting to explain yourself, correct people’s assumptions, manage their reactions, and anticipate misunderstandings in advance. You may find yourself scanning for exits, choosing your words carefully, or deciding when it even feels worth the labour to speak up and when it’s safer to stay quiet. Even supportive relationships can carry this burden if you are often placed in the role of educator or spokesperson.
This ongoing effort can lead to burnout, irritability, anxiety, emotional numbing, or a sense of isolation. It can even lead you to avoid social situations altogether. Therapy can offer a space where you do not have to translate yourself!
Resources and Tools
Whether we’re doing therapy together or not, you may find these resources and tools valuable.
This instragram post adds a new layer to the feelings wheel: the physical sensations and body reactions that might give us a hint we are experiencing an emotion in the first place.
An interview with trans teenagers, Christina and Skylar, about high school, supportive parents, transphobia, bullying, friendships, bathrooms, and their advice to other trans young people.
CHEW provides a safe environment and free frontline support for 2SLGBTQ+ youth and emerging adults aged 29 and below who face barriers: crisis intervention, Indigenous Peer Support, and drop-in for basic needs and support.
1-844-702-7483: Edmonton’s LGBTQ+ mental health and wellness helpline, available 24/7. Answered by trained LGBTQ+ volunteers and allies. If a staff member is not available to answer, your call will be directed to the Edmonton Distress Line, 211 or 988 depending.
Browse through the Queer-Friendly Business Directory for a safe space to find people who are open-minded and happy to serve you in Edmonton, no matter how you identify or express yourself.
Team Edmonton connects 2SLGBTQIA+ adults and allies with inclusive sports, fitness, and fun meetups. From hockey to yoga, board games to choir, there’s something for every pace and personality.
Frequently asked questions.
What is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a trauma therapy originally developed for veterans, which has since expanded to support people living with all kinds of disturbances and traumatic life experiences. If it’s the right fit for you, EMDR can successfully transform depression, anxiety, phobias, nightmares, flashbacks, and all kinds of negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.
EMDR is a structured 8-phase treatment which is often best used in extended 75 minute sessions.
You can learn more about EMDR here.
What is IFS?
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It is a mindfulness-based therapy originally developed for behavioral concerns like self harm and eating disorders, which has since expanded to support people living with all kinds of self-protective behaviours and internal conflicts. If it’s the right fit for you, IFS can successfully calm your nervous system, build self compassion, and help you connect to your true self.
IFS is a practice that can be incorporated into other therapy models, or done as a whole session on its own. Like other practices (imagine: yoga, writing, exercise), IFS gets easier the more you do it, and benefits from consistent attention. This is why I like to use IFS as a stand-alone therapy module, as well as a ritual for beginning or ending sessions, and for reassessing treatment goals.
What is somatics?
Somatic therapy is a generic term for any therapy that prioritizes the body: how it feels, moves, and responds to emotions. If it’s the right fit for you, somatic therapy can support you with chronic pain and chronic pain, as well as anxiety, depression, CPTSD, or trauma.
Somatic therapy is a practice that can be incorporated into other therapy models, and honestly makes most therapy work better. That’s why I always bring in somatic resourcing tools to the treatment plan as early as possible.
To learn more about somatics here.
How do you integrate nature?
I am trained as a Certified Forest & Nature Therapy Guide. This means that, if it’s a good fit for you, I love to take walk-and-talk sessions on good weather days. Being outside in a quiet, green area is naturally supportive to human healing.
I also offer intensives and community events which lead you through quiet nature invitations. These are amazing for slowing down and quieting the mind and body, and they are also joyful, connective, and fun to experience with family and friends. If you are interested in a nature therapy intensive, let me know during your treatment planning, or email me anytime at milo@therapywithmilo.com
How do you integrate personal spirituality?
Spirituality is intensely personal, and always something that is client-led in my therapy sessions. Many trauma survivors, especially those who have experienced religious trauma or cult abuse, have a lot of protection up around the idea of spirituality in general, and that makes so much sense! Spirituality is never mandatory, and atheists are extremely welcome in my practice.
At the same time, many trauma survivors experience a lot of relief and transformation connecting to something “bigger” or something that can bring meaning to the pain that they have been through, and spiritual or cultural practices are one way this can be done.
Many of my clients identify as pagan, witches, astrologers, tarot readers, or mystics as part of their path toward reclaiming spiritual agency after a lifetime of abuse or neglect. Others connect to their cultural roots, folklore, ancestors, or spirits of the land. Still others dive deep into a large religious tradition like Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism, whether or not it was the tradition they were raised in. I am trained in ways to utilize your personal spiritual beliefs as a powerful resource in your trauma healing, as well as support you in using them in session to make therapy more effective.
Feel free to ask me how we can adapt this practice to your needs.
How can you tell if it's CPTSD, BPD, OCD, autism, or ADHD?
Each of these has specific diagnostic criteria, but in my practice, that doesn’t matter all too much. I do not currently offer assessments in my practice for psychiatric conditions. That said, I have a lot of fluency in neurodivergence and trauma, and there are plenty of ways to make sure that the work we are doing is safe for the specific brain you have.
No one’s brain is one-size-fits-all, so the therapy we do together will always be adapted to your needs. If you already have a diagnosis you agree with, that it great, we will make sure to incorporate accommodations into the therapy work. If you aren’t sure exactly what your suspected neurodivergence might be, that’s okay too. There are lots of ways for us to test and experiment to make sure that the therapy we are doing together is creating the kind of results you are looking for.
Can I have trauma even if I wasn't physically abused?
Yes. Physical abuse is one experience that can sometimes be stored in the body as trauma. However, it is not the experience itself that defines whether or not something is traumatic: it’s the way that your body adapts to the shock of nervous system overwhelm.
A very incomplete list of things that can cause trauma:
- Serious accidents or injuries, or witnessing a serious accident or injury.
- Neglect, or being left alone for long periods of time as a child.
- Emotional neglect, growing up without emotional support, validation, or consistent care.
- Witnessing domestic violence or experiencing high-conflict relationships.
- Sudden or complicated losses.
- Bullying or ongoing harassment.
- Ongoing microaggressions, sexism, racism, homophobia, ableism, or transphobia.
- Serious illnesses, hospitalizations, or surgeries.
- Repeated exposure to violence or disturbing events through the media.
- Living in unstable or unsafe conditions; going without food, clothing, shelter.
How do I know if I'm dissociating?
Dissociation our brain learns how to do in response to overwhelming stress, trauma, or emotional overload. Your mind creates distance from an experience that feels too intense, threatening, or difficult to process in the moment. Sometimes, though, people notice that the dissociation starts to happen more frequently, even when life feels safe, being triggered by things you might not classify as “objectively overwhelming”. It can be frustrating!
It looks different from person to person, but it’s generally characterized by your brain involuntarily creating distance from your emotions, body, memories, surroundings, or sense of self. This can look like numbing out, losing track of time, or finding it difficult to remember parts of your day. In more extreme cases, it can feel like you’re watching yourself from outside your body or experiencing the world as foggy, dreamlike, distant, or unreal for long periods of time.
Often, it can show up in relationships: struggling to stay present when discussing difficult topics, or even spacing out during what could be positive interactions like cuddling, hugs, or sex!
If you think you dissociate, definitely let me know, because it will probably happen during therapy too. We can put a plan together to go slow and keep you grounded through trauma processing.
Do I have to talk about my trauma in therapy?
No! You do not need to share every detail of what happened to benefit from therapy.
I am trained in some specialized techniques like Flash (a kind of EMDR), Deep Brain Reorienting, and somatic IFS, which can successfully resolve trauma without ever having to tell me what happened.
It makes sense to worry that trauma therapy might mean retelling painful experiences over and over again. While I want to understand you and your history, I don’t want you to have to relive anything, or go into that intellectualizing mode where you “recap” the story in the same way you always do.
You are never expected to share more than feels safe. Also, you can tell me anything, and it won’t be too much for me.
What if I am in crisis right now?
If you are having thoughts of suicide or a huge emotional reaction that you are not sure how to respond to, call one of the numbers below. You can also call if you have a loved one who you think needs help, but aren’t sure what to do. Here are some options:
- Brite Line 1-844-702-7483. Edmonton’s LGBTQ+ mental health and wellness helpline, available 24/7. Answered by trained LGBTQ+ volunteers and allies. If a staff member is not available to answer, your call will be directed to the Edmonton Distress Line, 211 or 988 dependent on your needs.
- Distress Line: 780-482-4357. Trained volunteers respond to individuals needing emotional support, information, and/or referrals. Uses call tracing and will call 911 and/or police if caller is at high risk to imminently harm self or others.
- Alberta’s One Line for Sexual Violence: 1-866-403-8000. Talk, text, and chat service that provides emotional support, information, and referral to anyone who has experienced or been impacted by sexual violence. Uses call tracing and will call 911 and/or police if caller is at high risk to imminently harm self or others. Available 9am-9pm.
- Access 24/7: 780-424-2424. Run by Alberta Health Services, available 24/7. A central hub for urgent services and centralized intake for all AHS-funded mental health services. Available to concerned friends and family. Interactions with Access 24-7 appear on your health record. Collaborates with police if there is concern that a person requires hospitalization due to high, imminent risk to self or others.
Begin when you are ready.
A free 20-minute consultation is a chance to ask questions and see if we’re a fit. No pressure and no commitment.